She's ALLLIIIIIIVE!

Well. Is anyone still with me? Considering that I last wrote a blog post approximately TWO YEARS AGO, I'd be surprised. Scott mentioned the other day that he thought I should restart the blog, because it was a good outlet for my writing. That's a quote. I'm wondering if that means, secretly, that I'm making him bananas with snarky comments he wishes I would put somewhere else ... so other people besides him can be afflicted by my odd sense of humor.

As a reeeaaallly fast recap of the last two years for all those who don't share our daily lives, we have been buying property picking house plans considering making artisanal cheese as a side business teaching doing medical administration and having a preschooler third grader and sixth grader. There. That's exactly the speed at which it went by for me, too.

So watch this space. I promise to be more consistent about posting news, pictures, etc. Or: "I will post news and pictures," as opposed to "I shall post news and pictures." When I was in second grade, in a one-room school in Falls City, OR, our regular teacher had a serious car accident and was out of school for a couple months. We had a long-term sub who was a retired teacher in normal life. Looking back, I imagine she was in her early 70s. This was in about 1982, so I imagine she had begun teaching in the 1930s. She was the quintessential old-style teacher. I loved her! My point is, she taught us that "will" implies a promise and "shall" only indicates that you will attempt whatever it is. Why do I remember this detail? I have no idea. I can't specifically remember anything else she taught me. Perhaps it is a sign of my early attempts to think of ways to weasel out of things.

And now, though I am done teaching for the year, I leave you with a gem from this last quarter's final exam. The students read an essay comparing the way the Taliban handles women's rights (or doesn't, as the case may be) and the way the western world does the same thing oppositely -- by demanding rigorous beauty standards, oversexualizing women, etc. The question they had to answer was simple: "What argument are these authors making about women?" One student's approach showed she had a hazy grasp of recent politics and geography:

"If you went to Taliban, you would find there were different customs there."

love, kristin

Ah, But I Quit Too Soon!

The best bloomer was yet to come. One student, in writing about vaccination concerns, had this beauty:

"...parents claim that the signs of autism appear around 15 to 18 months, when babies normally begin commuting." [In teeny, tiny little cars.]

Oh, joy; oh, delight!

Student Bloomers for Monday

It's a grey day in the WW Valley (it's been a grey day in the WW Valley for at least the last month; in fact, it's the greyest winter I can remember here, and that's saying something!). So some time spent draped over my desk, crowing over these was particularly welcome:

"Most of us were young once ..." [This is, of course, as opposed to those born 90 years old.]

"Global warming is a heated topic." [I'm sorry to say this was NOT an intended pun.]

"In this paper I am going to say things about television." [A really outstanding paper thesis, generously shared by my next-door office neighbor, Jeremiah. I reminded him that she, technically, WAS going to say "things." We hope.]

I wonder if it would properly motivate students to be told that their best bloomers end up in cyberspace for the joy of others? Doesn't anybody ever read their papers over once they've written them (strictly rhetorical question)??

love, kristin

Oh, My Darling Students ... I Shall Miss Them

That is entirely in earnest, by the way. I enjoy the students I work with--and not just because the things they write make me laugh! They are dear young people, really. Here are some wonderful thoughts from the final essay exam they turned in Monday. As background, they were writing on an essay by Gloria Anzaldua titled "How to Tame a Wild Tongue," which explores the question of language and dialects and the prejudice sometimes tied up with them (even within one's own race group -- in her case, the Chicanos):

* "In writing 'How to Tame a Wild Tongue,' Gloria Anzaldua explains how it is very difficult to live in the United States and not be made fun of." [Especially if you're traveling in France, I suppose.]

* "She suffers from what we now know as Chicano dialect." [Ah. I suppose Scott has had patients ask for antibiotics to cure this -- they've asked for them for every OTHER possible reason!]

Anyway, now you know. It's an interesting essay, if you ever get to read it! Happy Thursday! love, kristin

Astute Observation, Captain Obvious!

I haven't given you any student bloomers for a bit, so here are three. My long-suffering next-door neighbor on the English hall, Jeremiah, got all three of these in one day. And he's still not in tears. Isn't it amazing? They're marvels of ... um ... perspicacity.

"The progression of life begins at birth and ends at death."

"Everyone was a child at some point."

"Almost everything created by humans is designed." (Jeremiah's office mate suggested adding, "Except, obviously, this paper.")

And now, for your mental picturing pleasure, a double-feature. This sentence is from a paper one of Jeremiah's students wrote in which they were supposed to practice advertising writing. It was for air-freshener, or something:

"One pray, and you're running through a field of roses." Not only is the typo hilarious, but as Jeremiah pointed out, wouldn't running through a field of ROSES be painful? "Ow! Ow! I thought a prayed about this!"

love, kristin

Student Bloomer of the Week (and one NON-student one!)

I'm sorry if you're getting sick of these ... I simply love them, and chortle over them much more often than is technically sane. Catherine over at Dispatches from the Deise wrote a hilarious post about grammar. She also mentioned a new book out by John Humphrys, Lost for Words, in the same vein as Eats, Shoots, and Leaves (by Lynne Truss), which is one of my favorite ever. There goes my book allowance (I don't really GET a book allowance, but doesn't it sound good?). Anyway, here are the newest:

* From one of my new writing students, responding to a questionnaire I always give out the first day of class, asking for information about previous writing experience: "I defiantly wrote lots of papers in high school." Actually, I'm not sure -- WAS that a typo, or was he just a mad sort of kid?

* And then, while in Seattle, Benita bought one of those pre-wrapped pseudo-logs for their fireplace (which they use about 25x more than usual when I'm there, because I'm always saying, "Oooh! Let's have a fire!"). The label proudly stated, "Illustrious flames!" It's good to know their flames are highly renowed (of course, I have to admit, I looked the word up and illustrious actually an obsolete synonym for luminous. I wonder if it was a case of trying to translate from a different language? Always hazardous!). Anyway, made me laugh.

Pictures are forthcoming from our ferry trip in Seattle. We did not lose Mara over the side, despite what those of you who know her personality and genius for throwing herself around might suspect! I had also forgotten how interesting it is to people-watch on the ferry! Some of the other passengers were so ... so ... wow.

love, kristin

Student Howler of the Week

My favorite howler-writing student (this is the same one who identified Hitler as the "Nazi leader in the Civil War") quoted the phrase "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" from the Deceleration of Independence in her final paper for me this quarter. You might have to re-read that sentence a few times. "Wait, George! We've got to slow this freedom thing down a little!"

Student Bloomer of the Week

(From an essay about logical fallacies in the "Nation and Race" chapter out of Hitler's Mein Kampf -- you have NO IDEA how beautifully that whole chapter illustrates one logical fallacy after another!)

"Adolf Hitler was a Nazi leader in the Civil War."

Sigh. Sounds of teacher taking more medication.