Monday, February 1, 2010
I am, I mean. It's been an odd winter. An odd summer, fall, and winter, really. As I told RMW, I don't think I really realized how much Bev's death impacted me. Perhaps not just her death, but also the weeks of travelling back and forth, the holding together of my father- and brother-in-law, the abrupt precipitation into the quarter and the kids' school year, etc. I found myself around Christmas time realizing I had pretty much entirely missed the end of the summer and the autumn -- I hadn't done any of the canning and preserving I usually enjoy; I had missed the slow end of summer and the preparation for the school year -- the cleaning out, organizing, etc., I usually do.
I noticed at the beginning of December that I was completely exhausted -- not sleepy, just exhausted to the point of falling over. I managed to make it through Christmas, but without many of the things I like to do -- making rosettes, rolled cookies, homemade presents, etc. I didn't even get cards sent out, which I never miss -- not even the year Steven was born a month before Christmas! If Scott hadn't been handily doing things like planning presents, putting up the tree, hanging lights outdoors, etc., I'm not sure the holiday would have happened at all.
I seem to be coming out the end of the tunnel, though. There are two things that Scott pointed out to me are a good barometer of my well-being. If I am consistently making the bed and baking bread, it's a sign that life is good. The bed is currently tidy. I made bread for the first time in three months last week. It's the staff of life, you know.